Standing on the Threshold
My daughter Nadia and I were talking about the process we use for writing reflections for Regen. I shared with her that for the “Connect” response I always relate it to something from the Sunday service as a source of my inspiration. Kyle’s final remark and Stephanie’s questions for reflection this past Sunday morning have been circling around my mind and heart all afternoon. There is a part of me that does not want to let them rest or dive deeper into what that means for me.
So often when I read over scripture I miss the underlying significance of many events. To find out that Peter’s step into the house of Cornelius in Acts 10 was no small step but one that altered the course of the beginning church in ways that impact us today, was profoundly stunning. It almost takes my breath away to think that because Peter was obedient, stepped beyond the conventions of his upbringing and did the unthinkable, God’s inclusive plan of salvation was initiated for all of us.
What does that mean in my life? Honestly, I have been wrestling for almost a year about where God would have me step out in ministry. Looking back on where I have been...I was raised in a small Presbyterian Church in Pennsylvania. My family was always deeply involved in the church. When I married my husband and moved to this area, I chose to leave the denomination I was raised in and join his church. It was a decision based on having unity in our new family.
Again, here I became deeply involved in the Church, even teaching in a parochial school and eventually becoming the spiritual leader there. I started new programs. Our liturgies were alive with contemporary music, original compositions, movement and theater. I started retreats for students and even a Mime Ministry that spanned 33 years. I probably had the most Protestant Catholic School ever. Hence, the sudden exit to my calling when a new priest came who did not appreciate my spiritual gifts.
My point here is that my spiritual growth was deepening and growing through the experiences God led me to develop for my students. When other schools were dying a slow death, mine was growing and flourishing. Since leaving that ministry, I have been on a personal journey, reading, praying and exploring my spiritual gifts to be open to a new calling on my life, but feeling a real absence in my life in being a part of a spiritually growing community. Then I walked into Regen.
I’ve come to a threshold in my personal calling to ministry where I kind of have a toe hanging over the threshold and I am half in and half out. Half way out of the old and halfway into the new, but not really “in” anywhere. I do not feel called to continue in the choice I made over 40 years ago to have a unified family of faith and continue in the denomination I served for over 40 years. And yet, I have no idea what kind of ministry God has for me in the future here at Regen.
What is keeping me from taking the next step? I guess I don’t know what the next step is. So I guess I will lean into the Word, keep praying and listening for God’s direction and step into the unknown trusting that God has a plan and a path for me.
2 Corinthians 5:7: For we walk by faith, not by sight. Proverbs 3:5-6: Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.
I don’t know if Peter fully understood what his step into Cornelius' household would mean, but He followed the prompting of the Spirit and trusted in God. I think that is what we are called to do as well. I’m going to stop dangling my toe over the step and leap! What threshold are you currently standing on? Maybe we can leap together?
-Kay
Kay Suzelis and her husband Len live in Lake Milton, and Kay serves as the Intermediate School Principal for the LaBrae Local School District.
